New events for 2013 will include:

Parallel Bars: contestants standing between two parallel cocktail bars will need to mix two drinks simultaneously, while performing an impressive bar routine with perfect dismount.
Breadbasket Ball contestants will be invited to dine at table in the middle of the track. A team of servants at each end of the table will play basketball with the bread and the breadbasket. The dinner guests must interrupt play if they are to be served any victuals.
Bounder Hunt Female contestants will be invited to hunt the bounder throughout the gardens using a large butterfly net. First one to catch the cad gets to slap him with her handbag.
Well Dressage Riding on a hobbyhorse, each competitor will need to perform a series of dressage steps to music. Our esteemed judging panel will score each performance.
Beach Volleybowler A game of beach volleyball will be played on a sanded course, using a bowler hat as ball. Skimpy swimwear will not be required, nor even permitted.

These, along with several other new events, plus old favourites Umbrella Jousting and Tug of Moustache, will take place in Bedford Square Gardens on Saturday 13th July 2013, from 12pm until nightfall.

Tickets available from ticketscript.com or by calling Bourne & Hollingsworth on
0207 724 1617

Secondly, we would like to thank Darcy Clothing in Lewes for the elaborate construction of two pairs of double trousers for Three-Trousered Limbo. These were stitched through the night and took a particularly long time because the original trousers were very high-waisted. Braces buttons also had to be moved to allow for double-Olympian entry. Darcy Clothing also provided the white gloves used by the butlers in Butler Racing, as well as the irons.

Thirdly, we would like to acknowledge the huge contribution of bar snacks and morale made by Tyrrells Potato Crisps, whose well-dressed butlers handed out delicious crisps to the contestants all day long, and who also allowed their products to be part of the most dangerous event of the entire weekend, Shouting at Foreigners.

Without the generous assistance of our sponsors, the Chap Olympiad would have been a trouserless, crispless event where the contestants had to share a Silk Cut during the opening ceremony.

Master of Ceremonies Tristan Langlois, as ever, squired the enthusiastic athletes, most of them rather confused by the complicated instructions for each of the ten events, but happy to leap into the fray and put their gentlemanly skills to the test. Contestants managed to dream up yet more unusual ways to approach old favourites such as cucumber sandwich discus, hop, skip and G&T and Umbrella Jousting, while new events such as Butler Racing, Swooning and Synchronised Slippages were executed with our Olympians’ usual breadth of imagination, applomb and inebriated skullduggery.

Those athletes on Day Two of the Olympiad, Sunday 8th, who were either the worse for wear due to Saturday’s excesses, or not quite in the spirit of things having just joined us, were administered to by our competent saucy nurses, the Flirtinis. Exhausted Olympians were stretcher-borne to the Gin Tent, topped up with panache-saving Bloody Marys fed from blood bags.

Britain my have once again missed out on the trophy at the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis championship, but at least we triumphed in Not Playing Tennis at the Chap Olympiad.

Photo Gallery

View more photos from The Chap Olympiad 2012 and here

That incorrigible ukulele-toting, rhyme-popping, bon-mot uttering chap hop superstar, Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer, has only gone and composed a special new song for the Chap Olympiad, “Light the Olympic Pipe”, which he showcased during his live appearance at the Chap Olympiad on Sunday 8th July.

Mr. B has been purveying what he calls “Chap Hop”, essentially a combination of hip hop, Noel Coward and George Formby, all delivered in the laconic tones of one also familiar with the works of Stephen Potter, for a number of years, and has only just released his third longplayer, the Tweed Album.
Mr. B has already serenaded the Chap on his second album, “I Say!” with the opening track, “All Hail the Chap!” The composition of his paean to the Chapolympian spirit is the first time one of his tracks has been made available to the public before its appearance on a recorded album.

Light the Olympic Pipe became the Chap Olympic anthem on both Saturday 7th and Sunday 8th July 2012, and is certainly catchier than anything the British Olympic Committee is likely to come up with.

Light, Light The Olympic Pipe
Whether you’re a heffer or a grim sick type
Your dignity, may it be redeemed in our field of pleasant dreams
Light, Light The Olympic Pipe
Better you’re a heffer than a thin fit type
Your dignity, may it be redeemed in our field of pleasant dreams!

Cucumber Sandwich Discus: Individuals must hurl a cucumber sandwich on a china plate, with this year’s added handicap of a side order of potato crisps

Ironing Board Surfing: Contestants mount their ironing boards and are carried over the finishing line by their butlers and housekeepers

Hop, Skip and G&T: Athletes must complete all three disciplines, with the emphasis on maintaining a full tumbler of gin and tonic by the end

Umbrella Jousting: In the medieval tradition, chaps on bicycles approach each other along a boundary and use their brollies to knock each other off, protected by Bowler hats and reinforced copies of the Daily Telegraph

INTERVAL: A live concert by Chap-hop superstar Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer, who, among other notable ditties, will be showcasing his brand new tune, “Light the Olympic Pipe”

Three-Trousered Limbo: Pairs of contestants are strapped into huge pairs of double trousers, with three legs, and must stumble under a steadily-lowered limbo pole

Tug of Hair: Teams of ten tug at the tips of an enormous handlebar moustache, with the added handicap of slippery moustache wax

Bounders: A chap must say something so caddish to a lady that he receives a slap. The bounder with the reddest face, but the wryest smile, is the winner

Synchronised Slippages: In the Grand Olympic Paddling Pool, contestants must make an elegant display of tumbling, slipping and getting rather wet, as they attempt futilely to remain upright during their final few drinks of an exhausting two days of Olympian efforts

Tickets are available from www.thechapolympiad.com or by telephoning 020 7724 1617

This year’s 8th Chap Olympiad runs over two days, Saturday 7th and Sunday 8th July. Saturday’s events will run as follows:
1.00 The Pipeathlon: six contestants must complete a 10-yard course using three disciplines – pipe smoking, cycling and being carried by their servants across the finishing line.
1.20 Gentlemen’s Golf Club: contestants must hit a bowler hat into a large fishing net using a walking stick.
1.40 Swooning: one for the ladies. Chaps have to induce the ladies to swoon through any means possible.
2.00 Butler Baiting: teams of two (master and butler) must assemble a wardrobe impressive enough to satisfy the butler, by running back and forth between their master and a suitcase full of clothing.
2.30 Not Playing Tennis: contestants seated in armchairs play a game of tennis without getting up. The tennis ball is suspended on a wire hung between two hat stands.

3.00-4.00 During the interval, you will be entertained and educated in the arts of Omnicombat – a variation on the 19th century martial art of Bartitsu, or gentlemanly self defence with walking canes and umbrellas. This demonstration will be made by Albion and his son Merlin, both adepts. Albion has assured us that “We have no insurance cover, but it is very unlikely that anyone will suffer serious injury or death.”

4.00 Ironing Board Surfing. Contestants mount their ironing boards and are carried over the finishing line by their butlers and housekeepers.
4.20 Moustache Wrestling: two contestants must pluck a single hair from their opponent’s lip weasel.
4.40 Briefcase Phalanx: a line of ten chaps and chapettes, dressed for the office and clutching briefcases and handbags, creates a phalanx. Lone contestants must charge at them and try to break through to the secretary on the other side, who is ready to type a letter.
5.20 Shouting at Foreigners: contestants must pit their gentlemanly skills against a curmudgeonly, uncooperative foreign shop assistant.
5.40 Umbrella Jousting: two contestants, armed only with brollies and briefcases, must go at one another on bicycles and attempt to knock each other off.

Tickets are available for each of the two days individually, or at at a reduced price for both days. Tickets are available from www.thechapolympiad.com/ or by telephoning 020 7724 1617

This year’s event, on Saturday 7th and Sunday 8th July, will take place over two days in Bedford Square Gardens; Day One will be our usual Chap Olympic Games, including Umbrella Jousting, Swooning, Ironing Board Surfing and Not Playing Tennis, while day two will host the Paralyticolympics, when those barely able to stand will still have their trouser creases and their pipe-smoking technique put to the test.

Gold, silver and bronze cravats will be awarded separately on both days, so competitors on either day do not have to attend on both days in order to win prizes. The events on Day Two will differ from those on Day One – though, as usual, performance will be judged principally on maintenance of panache, perfectly knotted ties, stiff upper lips and acceptable (i.e. caddish) levels of skulduggery.

On Day Two there will be a special Gin Tent, staffed by nurses trained at the Atters Attree Gout Sanatorium, to assist any contestants who have tested negative for alcohol levels, or those who are feeling a little under the weather and require a top-up.

Tickets are available for either day, or a special weekend ticket at a reduced cost. Purchase tickets at www.ticketweb.co.uk or call 020 7724 1617

The 8th Chap Olympiad features the usual smorgasbord of unathletic events, designed to highlight the competitors’ strong points – well-pressed trousers, superb pipe-smoking technique, impeccably waxed moustaches – and draw a veil over their weaker points – being useless at sport, disliking sudden movement, making an effort or perspiration.

Immaculately dressed athletes will have their gentlemanly and ladylike skills put to the test in ten gruelling unsporting disciplines, including Ironing Board Surfing, Butler Baiting, Swooning, Not Playing Tennis, Umbrella Jousting and Shouting at Foreigners.

So fasten your braces, slick down your barnet, adjust your trilby to its most rakish angle, and prepare to pit your Chappish skills against your fellow Chaps and Chapettes on the Field of Pleasant Dreams.

The writers and stars of the cult television programme Ripping Yarns are to stage a gigantic, public hopathon in London on Saturday 3rd March. To mark the DVD release of “Ripping Yarns The Complete Series”, and as an homage to the episode entitled Tomkinson’s School Days, members of the public are sought to try and set new World Records for the largest group 400-metre hop and the 400-metre relay hop. This free event will take place at the Hampstead Heath Athletics Track, which chaps and chapettes will recall as the scene of a very early Chap Olympiad.

Both Michael Palin and Terry Jones will be in attendance to judge the hopathon and present prizes to the overall winners, who will each receive £500 to donate to the charity of their choice. The Ripping Yarns Hopathon is inspired by the first episode of the series, Tomkinson’s School Days, set in Graybridge School, whose motto was: “Only in true misery can you find true contentment”. Among the disciplines inflicted on pupils at Graybridge was a 30-mile Hop, as well as a grizzly bear fight and the St. Tagder’s Day ceremony, in which students were nailed to the school walls.

To break The Guinness World Records™, the organisers require at least 250 people to participate in the largest group hop, and a time of seven minutes needs to be set in order to achieve the fastest 400-metre hop. Participants must be over 18 years of age and in sound physical health (though not necessarily sound of mind).

Full details about registration are available at facebook.com/NetworkDVD.

Ripping Yarns The Complete Series is release by Network DVD.