Judge my Shrub

Send your photograhs of upper lip shrubbery, face furniture and sub-nasal appendages and our resident moustachioed bounder, Michael "Atters" Attree, will assess its potential as a force for follicular progress. Send your photos to Atters, PO Box 39216, London SE3 0XS, or email them to atters@thechap.net


(Right) Oli Newton (I suspect from Kentucky State Penitentiary) announces: "This was a few weeks effort over the summer last year, old chap. I don't need you to tell me how dashing it is!" Sterling news, Oli! I wasn't going to anyway!

Whisker category: Automobile accident.


(Above) I see Mr Lewis Esq has gone for the subtle approach here. He clearly masters his moustache (not the other way round). What better way to deflect critical hirsute attention than poncing about like a mutated game of Monopoly...

Whisker category: Pointless (literally).

latest issue

(Above) Now these are what I call premium whiskers. Wholesome home-grown topiary with a dash of firm chestnut wax on each purlieus. Mr Grant Howard here clearly knows his own mind and follicular destiny. And what a destiny sir. Bravo!

Whisker category: Musketeer (partial) beard.

latest issue

(Right) I fear Mr. Liz G (with his friend Mr. Paloma E) are not being exactly truthful with me. I posted a picture of these two bewhiskered clowns last time. I suspect this is in fact a Mr. Rachel B. Lindt and friend Mr. Katrina Ellis from California. Sirs, if you're to make a fool out of me, you'll both have to try a bit harder next time.

Whisker category: Sub-navel Merkin.

latest issue

(Above) "By way of mild amusement at work, the attached picture has been circulated via the Interweb. Not only is it a superb example of a well crafted and maintained moustache, but this gentleman's name (Phani Tikkala) no doubt fills potential lady friends with shivers of anticipation." In my day, our our nation's office workers dispatched jokes scribed within paper airplanes. It seems in this cyber-age, the hilarity of such darts even reach my in-box.

Whisker category: SPAM Fritter

latest issue

(Above) "Following your judgment on David Bellamy (whom you believed had been "dredged up from the harbor",) I thought you might appreciate my whiskers diving in the Red Sea. Most divers shy away from face-fungus as it makes the mask leak, but where would we be without eccentrics?" gushes Mr. Rob Baxandall. Thank you, sir, I do.

Whisker category: Sodden Walrus (at least when he reaches the deck it will be).